“Go to school so that you can get a good job.”

I think that is a classic one. Most of us heard that from our parents and so like the good and dutiful children that we are, we went to school. Well, not all of us have jobs and those of us that do are hard pressed to describe those jobs as ‘good.’

How many times do you find yourself questioning some ‘infallible’ truth handed down from your parents? If you are anything like me, you probably ask yourself several questions which have no answers. The thing is, our parents did not mean to lie. To the best of their knowledge, they probably did not tell any lies. It is just that their truths do not always bear close scrutiny in light of our reality.

I posted an article some time ago on my former blog. I still get comments on it and most of them highlight the fact that parents need to be telling new truths to their children. The article was titled ‘Good Girls Finish Last?‘ and it was written by Shakera Reid. Recently I got a comment on that article and this is a bit of what the commenter said:

Sorry to tell you the truth but good girls do finish last. I remember growing up. I was told if I studied hard enough, kept my legs closed, served God with all sincerity and prayed men would come after me. Ha! What a joke! All the bad girls got married as soon as we graduated from college 6 years later I’m yet to find a man who will even look at me . I cant find a job and its like my life is at a stand still.

What is really sad is that this is the story of so many young (and not so young) folks out there. The depression rehab treatment centers are filled with disillusioned people who believed so many things when they were growing up.

As parents we tell our children to be good; study hard; don’t have sex; stay away from the boys; go to Church…etc. All well and good. But what we fail to tell them is that a holier-than-thou attitude is not going to attract a husband (wife) or a boss for that matter. Nobody wants to be shackled to someone who makes them feel like the world’s worst sinners. Even Jesus didn’t hang out with them [pharisees].

Another thing parents ‘forget’ to tell their children, daughters especially is that they can catch more flies with honey. Okay so maybe we are not in the business of catching flies, but seriously, what is it going to cost you to be pleasant? SMILE. Be nice to people. It does not make you less good. During my days at university, I encountered many really unpleasant people – nasty pieces of work if I’m honest – and they were that way simply because they were trying to be good girls.

Let me be honest with you, if you have poor people skills, are bad at relationships, a poor conversationalist and terrible manners, then you might have a problem. Be more personable. Make friends and be a friend.

As a parent, I will tell my daughter to be good; study hard; keep her legs crossed and to serve God with all she’s worth. But I hope that I will also let her know that she needs to touch lives and she can only do that by reaching out to people.