I haven’t been here in almost a year and that’s because my life has been one upheaval after another. First of all, I’m not blogging from Nigeria. We had to leave Malaysia due to a change in policy (no more spouse visas for our category)…it’s a long story. So we spent most of last year trying to settle back in.
Then this year – January 1 to be exact – I got a call that my mum slumped and so I packed up and rushed to her. It was a 12 hour trip by road and I think it must have been too much for the kids because a couple of weeks later, they all fell sick. ALL 3 of them. At. The. Same. Time.
Talk about crazy.
Sooo…we’re just coming out of that now. Thankfully, all the kids are okay. But now, I’m just plain tuckered out. Exhaustion seems to be a cloak that wraps me so tightly, I can’t seem to get unwrapped.
But I’m glad to be alive. I’m happy everyone is fine. My mum is doing okay too.
On the downside, my business had to be put on hold. I’ve not been able to write. Thankfully, my clients have been understanding. I hope I’ll be able to get back to writing soon.
I haven’t been here lately and that’s because there have been a lot of things happening in my life, not all of them positive. I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water and so I’ve mainly been at my writing blog, which is what I do when there are things I’m not ready to deal with. I write.
However, yesterday was Hubby’s birthday and I wish I could have thrown a big party for him, you know…a real bash. The kind where you send out IVs with fancy print envelopes and all that. But I couldn’t.
Instead, we had a good friend babysit the kids and took a drive out. I rented a car for that. We went to see a movie (Iron Man 3), but couldn’t stay till the end as the loud noise and violence was wearing my nerves thin. Though, I guess they were already thin to start with.
There is so much to be thankful for and when I’m tempted to forget how good God has been to me, I just have to look at my husband and know that I’ve had it good indeed.
I’m not a perfect Mom, though I try so hard to be. I wish I could be the best possible Mom for my kids all the time. Yet, as each day goes by, I am reminded of my frailty and how much I need help. Today was one of those days.
I’m exhausted a lot these days and when I get really tired, I tend to take it out on my family. I snap at Hubby and I snap at the kids. But somehow, they know I’m just tired.
AJ is really strong for a boy his age and when he grabs my legs, it’s all I can do to keep on my feet. And then I snap at him. When I do that, he usually just looks up at me and starts laughing. Then I shake my head and join in the laughter.
Today was different though. I really was exhausted and feeling faint. I was on my feet because I knew they had to eat. So there I was in the kitchen and he grabbed my legs. I didn’t see him coming so I stumbled and almost tripped. I turned to him and snapped, stop that! He looked up at me and began to cry like his heart was breaking. It broke my heart.
I felt so bad and quickly tried to comfort him. Luckily, kids comfort easily. But it still made me feel like I had a long way to go in this Mommy business. I really want to be the perfect Mom, but on days like today, it feels all uphill.